How much more

can go wrong for our family?????

Saturday night and Stewart has a really bad night, waking two or three times with pain which they cannot get under control. By the time I arrive on Sunday morning at 8.30am he looks awful. Unfortunately I have to work so after speaking to the nurses who promised to give him more pain relief, I went to work. It was a busy morning being the last Sunday before the Jewish New Year and unfortunately I had to arrange a funeral for a member of the synagogue who also happened to be the father of an old friend. It's difficult enough at the best of times but I found it so much harder this time.

On returning straight after work, I found Stewart was just exhausted and still in some pain and the doctor was called. She was wonderful and after chatting to us both it was decided a pain relief injection would be the quickest route to getting Stew back on track, and it worked but the whole day the exhaustion meant that except for getting up for an odd cigarette, he stayed in bed and didn't really want to talk to anyone. However, late afternoon and we had a room full of people cheering him up - it was lovely to see Fiona and Mark from Manchester (who had had Gemma to stay overnight), Brian, Tony, Debra, Carole and Dave and various others too.

We also had a very special moment occur. Unfortunately with our many house moves we had lost our Ketubah (Jewish Marriage Certificate) and had arranged to have a new one signed. Rabbi Kleiman and Rev. Michael Saville came to see us and due to a small error on the certificate, the head of the Beth Din (Jewish Court), Dayan Refson had to redo the Ketubah and bring it in. Stewart had to accept the Ketubah again (which is the equivalent of making the vows in church, where you promise to love and look after your wife) and the Ketubah was signed. It was then handed to Stewart who, by tradition, then hands it to me. It was like getting married all over again but without the fuss and there was no wedding dress either!! However, it was a very moving moment that after 18 years of marriage he was willing to commit to me again. We have joked that we have got married again - and I would do it again for real if I could too.

I spent the day running to and from the hospital sorting the kids out and looking after stewart and stayed with him till 10.30pm when the nurse and I persuaded him to take a relaxation pill to help him through the night.

This morning when I rang I was greeted by a cheery good morning which was lovely. Unfortunately because of the bad night previously we had to accept he wasn't coming home with us today but we managed to have a good day despite that. I even went out for a bite to eat with my sister and mum and had a lovely time. This afternoon the doctor came and confirmed that tomorrow (Tuesday) Stew could be picked up early for a day out with me so that he could attend the synagogue for a while to celebrate the New Year and to have lunch with the family. He also said that as long as he has a good day tomorrow we can hopefully bring Stewart home on Wednesday.

Unfortunately, even though there was good news, the sad news was that my parents had to have their beloved dog, Sophie, put to sleep. She was rescued 11 years ago from a life of misery and has spent the last 11 years being totally spoilt by Mum and Dad. She goes everywhere with them and even sleeps on the bottom of the bed - something our previous dogs were never allowed to do. She was a charismatic dog with enough brains for us all and although she went blind, she was still a loving and loyal dog who ruled the roost when she was with the new puppies we had all acquired over the past few years. However, the past week she has gone downhill fast and today Mum had to take her to the vets. When she rang I just sat and sobbed and although I know it was the right thing to do, it is harder to bear when we are going through so much.

I had to break the news to the kids which was so hard, haven't they had enough hardship to bear over the past 3 weeks?

Tonight, tomorrow and Wednesday are the Jewish New Year where we start to pray to G-d to inscribe us in the book of life and our prayers continue next week for Yom Kippur where we fast for 26 hours (no food and no drink) and the culminating prayer that day is where G-d decides who lives and who dies and our names our put in the book of life. For me this year, this period will be a hard one to cope with, knowing that unless G-d decides to give us a miracle, there will be no inscription for Stewart. We can only pray that little bit harder this year to repent our sins and hope that he gives Stewart and this family the miracle we so desperately want.