Tuesday, 25 August 2009

And August wasn't much better

Well after a hard July, August started off ok but then I got "swine flu" - well I got flu - who knows if it was the oinky kind but boy was I ill - which then got worse cos I got a chest infection. The only light on the horizon was Jamie getting his AS results - he got 2 B's and a C - which weren't far off A's (far too confusing LOL) so he will try and increase those when goes back to school to A's.

To top it off an acquaintance lost her husband aged 32 - how awful is life today - the dreaded cancer beat us again and to see her suffer like I did makes me feel so helpless. What is worse is that you would think I would know what to say to her, but I didn't - useless aren't I.

I am still getting better from my illness but have a tough 6 weeks ahead.

It starts on the 2nd when both the boys stop saying Kaddish which is the prayer they have said daily since their dad died. Ironically, it conicides with it being exactly a year to the day since Stew was diagnosed with cancer.

We then have the consecration of the headstone on September 13th, and I am really struggling with dealing with that. The thought of seeing a headstone on the grave is awful and I am dreading seeing it for the first time. We then have the Jewish New Year to get through which again I am dreading because Stew was here last year and he made is final brave visit to the Synagogue on the first day of the new year - this then is followed up by the Day of Atonement a week later and that was the day that we were inundated with visitors but I knew the time we had was limited. On September 29th we have the Jewish Anniversary of his death which obviously is going to be tough. We then go into October where we are going away for a week which is great but again has tinges of sadness that he isn't with us to do my head in with passports and packing and teasing me counting the bags. We are back in time for the 11th which is the anniversary of his death - and then the week after is the walk for the hospice.

I just know that I need to get through these next 6 weeks and then maybe just maybe we can start putting our lives back together but that in itself a daunting thought.

So this was a brief but miserable post wasn't it - maybe when I get back in 6 weeks I will be able to have a more positive outlook on life.