Sunday, 6 September 2009

Can I be cheeky

Ok, I wasn't going to blog until the next few weeks are over but I think this deserves a plug.

For those of you that have been kind enough to continue to follow my blog (although it must be the most depressing read of your life) I would like to ask a huge favour.

Along with myself, Jamie and Alex have helped organise the Stewart Rudette Anniversary Walk which is a men's walk in aid of St Gemma's hospice, the hospice that Stewart was in. This place is the most amazing place, with people who cared brilliantly, not just for Stewart but for all of us and all of our families and friends. They gave 24 care to us all and most of all gave us the opportunity to be with Stewart to the end, in pleasant surroundings, knowing that he was being looked after to the best of everyone's ability. And what did that cost us, nothing, not a penny. They are funded solely by donations and we would like to pay back what it cost them to look after Stew, £5000. So with help from St Gemma's we are holding a walk on October 18th (well you can run it if you want to) with two lengths of walk, 4 miles and 8 miles. We have so far got 30 people taking part but are looking to get 100 which seems to be a tall order but we will keep trying. The thing is what we need alongside the men for the walk is sponsorship and this is where you come in. Please, if at all possible, could I ask you to sponsor the boys, whether it be £1, £5, £10 or more if you can. Every penny counts and goes towards the care of patients. Their website is and if you can donate, I would be even more eternally grateful for your support than I already am.

Well, I am sat here, knowing I should be in bed but with so many thoughts going through my head. Gemma goes into Year 6 tomorrow and I am so proud of her but know that if Stewart would have been here we would have spent this evening reminiscing about her, just like we did when the boys moved to their last year of primary. It makes me realise how much is missing from my life. On Wednesday, the headstone is being put up and we are going in the evening to see it - that in itself is daunting and with Sunday being the consecration of the headstone I just feel like getting in my car and going as far away as possible. It's funny but I am more anxious and upset about this than anything else we have faced. Maybe because it means we are coming to the end of the mourning period (well the official end), maybe it is hitting home how real this is, maybe it's because it is tied in with the anniversary's that are coming up, maybe it's just because. I don't know, all I know is that although on the outside I am getting on with it, inside my heart is aching, my stomach is in knots and I just want to hide away from the world. Not a good feeling when I am back at work tomorrow LOL

However, I do have to say that I am so proud of Jamie (yes, again!!). He has been looking for a job (not totally wholeheartedly if I am honest) and took his cv round some local clubs and shops. Well he got an interview, got a second interview and got the job. The only downside is the hours, its 9pm till early hours (well not that early actually - between 2.30am and 6am finishes depending on the day!!) and although I know this will give him independence and may free up some of my money LOL, I am concerned about his school work. I have told him if that suffers at all then the job stops but he is so enjoying it that I hope it won't be a problem. He has worked out the days to work round his school timetable so hopefully that means he won't be too tired when he is there and will keep up and pass his A Levels. We will have to watch this space for the outcome.

Right, I am heading to bed as this week is going to be a very long one. My boys would laugh at that and say it is the same length as every other week but you know what I mean. Work will be hectic trying to catch up on everything whilst I have been away because of course none of my work has been done, but at least it keeps me out of mischief.

Hope you are all well.