A better day

WEDNESDAY

Well, Wednesday came and I rang the hospital and Stewart had had a better night, only having three extra injections to get him through (he'd had six the night before).

However, we all overslept and although Alex managed to get up in time to get the bus to school. Jamie didn't which after the night before probably wasn't a bad thing.

I went down to the hospital to meet with Ash again who was again amazing. She has confirmed a bed at the hospice in a room of our own for Friday. Ok, it's a big step to make but I know it's the right one. We discussed various things together and Stewart was totally rational in his thinking which makes things a little easier.

He had a good day with the pain relief being increased and up to 10.30pm when I last spoke to him, he hadn't needed any extra injections which means I hope, that he has a good nights sleep.

I managed to talk to Ash privately, and she doesn't think that Stewart will go back to work again, but doesn't count it out but is being realistic. Something I am aware of but Stewart isn't ready to accept.

We have had visitors on and off all day, my parents, Jamie, my brother, my friend Debs who couldn't quite cope with seeing Stewart yet and sobbed her way through our cup of tea which we had downstairs, and then her husband Richard popped in tonight. I think it was his visit that lifted Stewart the most, he was so understanding and supportive and gave Stewart such a lift.

I have spent the day setting people off crying, everyone I spoke to cried - i really must rethink what I say to people LOL. It is so touching that so many people genuinly care for us and the kids.

we managed another quick cuddle and then I had to face coming home to tell Alex the situation (I can only handle telling them one at a time). Luckily my friend, Fiona came over from Manchester to help me with the kids and whilst she kept Gemma occupied and put her to bed (she must come and read me a bed time story cos she's brill) I spoke to Alex. I knew he'd cry but it still broke my heart and what broke my heart more was after we'd chatted and I'd answered his questions he went upstairs to take some time out and his wonderful big brother went into his room and sat with him. How amazing are my kids (bigheaded it may sound but I am genuinly so proud of them).

well, Jamie and I chatted and he thanked me for being so honest with him. I feel like a torturer to put my kids through this but I think what he said made me realise that however hard it is, that honesty is the best policy.

Having got my room back to myself tonight (Gems slept in our bed the past couple of nights) I am off to bed, I will sleep cos my eyes are closing as I type this so I bid you all good night and sleep tight.