Having re-read yesterday's post and the wonderful comments and support I have received from it, I realise that yesterday in total was a really crappy day.
On top of waking up very low emotionally, my brother came round to start sorting out Stewart's van. It was so hard to watch someone else go through what essentially was Stewart's domain. I know in order to sell the stock etc it is a necessity but that made it no less hard to watch. He did it with such tact and care that it made the start of a difficult job easy and when last night he told me he had priced up one box of stuff at over £1000 I hope we will get enough money to pay back some of the outstanding bills left over.
There were many tears yesterday, but by last night I realised I had to put my grief into something positive and having spoken to my daughter we realised that the first way forward was to run or actually walk the Race for Life 2009 in Stewart's memory. However, me being me I wasn't just going to do it with Gemma, no, I am trying to get 100 possibly 200 women together to run or walk the race as part of a team in his name. There are two dates usually in Leeds so hopefully this will give more people the opportunity to do at least one date and Gemma and I will do both of them.
I started by facebooking everyone I knew locally and a few further away, I then emailed everyone in my email address book and lo and behold this morning, some 10 hour later I have in the region of 50 people signed up to join me subject to the dates being right. Some are bringing their daughters, some their mothers, some their sisters but once again I am humbled by the support of the people I know. My family, my friends, my acquaintences are all amazing people. I have been offered some publicity free on a local radio station and I am hoping to get a sponser so that we can all wear a tshirt with Stewart's picture on - he would have laughed at that and the fact that I am walking not one but two races, neither of us being particularly fit or sporty people!!!
I hope I can put some of my grief into a good cause and if I am allowed by the Race for Life organisers I would like to split the money between Cancer Research and St Gemma's hospice, if not then the next fundraiser, and there will be one, will be for St Gemma's.
We have already come up with a disco in Stewart's name but due to our religious restrictions this can't be within the first year as we are not supposed to dance to music or listen to live music and I would like to get a live band to go with the disco (Stewart was a DJ for over 25 years so this seems to be a fitting tribute). There are so many other things we can do to raise money and I hope with this in mind, I can life the darkness that is hanging over me and the kids and we can use our emotions to a good cause.