It was only when I signed in this morning to update my blog that I realised I hadn't blogged for a couple of days. Well what a couple of days. Sunday I went to work leaving Stewart sat on the settee with the telly for company. Jamie was refereeing and Alex was looking after Gemma. I had put a notice up on the door of the house to say no visitors till after 1pm, giving me time to come home from work. But what did I find when I got here, a visitor safely ensconsed on our armchair chatting to Stewart - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!
The afternoon was filled with visitors and by tea time Stew was shattered and went to bed. I spent the rest of the evening tidying the house!!!!
However, he had a bad night with lots of pain so by Monday morning I knew I had to ring St Gemmas up which I did. They contacted Julia, the community paliative care nurse who was due to see us yesterday afternoon and I spoke to her and the doctor (who'd I promised to report in about bowel movements to - it's fun being in my house I can tell you!!!!) who both called the district nurses in.
Stewart decided bed was the only place for him so after his tablets he settled down for some extra sleep whilst I was visited by my wonderful friend, Marie (of the wonderful cakes) from the Paper Dolls, who brought all her stuff with her to give me a pedicure - well at least that's one way of making me sit down!!!! It was amazing, she is amazing and I am so grateful to her for the love and the laughter she brought to the house.
My wonderful brother also played his part yesterday rushing to and from doctors and chemists to get perscriptions for Stewart during the day.
Well Julia called as promised at 12.15pm and we had a wonderful chat together. She made me realise that I don't have to be strong, I am not getting it wrong with the kids - just doing the best I can, and generally being my fairy godmother. Once the district nurses arrived (they were amazing too to both stew and I) to administer enemas (told you it was all fun here!!) we decided that with the enemas and the movicol to work from the top, if nothing had happened by this morning then Stew should go back to St Gemma's to get sorted. This way we will know if the extra pain is due to the bowels or the cancer spreading. Unfortunately, although I know the bowels are a huge problem my fear is that the cancer is spreading rapidly. He has so many new lumps and bumps and the ones he has just keep getting bigger that I am not sure if we should could continue chemo, but we will wait a week to decide that one.
So the result of all the medicines - NOUGHT, ZERO, NOTHING and bless him, he has been in pain all night with me running up and downstairs getting milk, medicine etc for him. So I am waiting for the 8.30 deadline and then I have to ring to get him back in!!!
I know I have tried my best but I am disappointed that I can't cope with having him home, but looking after him for 24/7 is such hard work when I have the kids to sort out too. I feel like I am grieving already as the Stewart that is here at the moment isn't my Stewart at all.
Well, I've rung Julia and she has a meeting regarding admissions at 9am and will ring me back but it looks like we are on the move again!!!! I will try and update you all later if I get a chance.