Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Sorry it's taken so long

It was only when I signed in this morning to update my blog that I realised I hadn't blogged for a couple of days. Well what a couple of days. Sunday I went to work leaving Stewart sat on the settee with the telly for company. Jamie was refereeing and Alex was looking after Gemma. I had put a notice up on the door of the house to say no visitors till after 1pm, giving me time to come home from work. But what did I find when I got here, a visitor safely ensconsed on our armchair chatting to Stewart - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!

The afternoon was filled with visitors and by tea time Stew was shattered and went to bed. I spent the rest of the evening tidying the house!!!!

However, he had a bad night with lots of pain so by Monday morning I knew I had to ring St Gemmas up which I did. They contacted Julia, the community paliative care nurse who was due to see us yesterday afternoon and I spoke to her and the doctor (who'd I promised to report in about bowel movements to - it's fun being in my house I can tell you!!!!) who both called the district nurses in.

Stewart decided bed was the only place for him so after his tablets he settled down for some extra sleep whilst I was visited by my wonderful friend, Marie (of the wonderful cakes) from the Paper Dolls, who brought all her stuff with her to give me a pedicure - well at least that's one way of making me sit down!!!! It was amazing, she is amazing and I am so grateful to her for the love and the laughter she brought to the house.

My wonderful brother also played his part yesterday rushing to and from doctors and chemists to get perscriptions for Stewart during the day.

Well Julia called as promised at 12.15pm and we had a wonderful chat together. She made me realise that I don't have to be strong, I am not getting it wrong with the kids - just doing the best I can, and generally being my fairy godmother. Once the district nurses arrived (they were amazing too to both stew and I) to administer enemas (told you it was all fun here!!) we decided that with the enemas and the movicol to work from the top, if nothing had happened by this morning then Stew should go back to St Gemma's to get sorted. This way we will know if the extra pain is due to the bowels or the cancer spreading. Unfortunately, although I know the bowels are a huge problem my fear is that the cancer is spreading rapidly. He has so many new lumps and bumps and the ones he has just keep getting bigger that I am not sure if we should could continue chemo, but we will wait a week to decide that one.

So the result of all the medicines - NOUGHT, ZERO, NOTHING and bless him, he has been in pain all night with me running up and downstairs getting milk, medicine etc for him. So I am waiting for the 8.30 deadline and then I have to ring to get him back in!!!

I know I have tried my best but I am disappointed that I can't cope with having him home, but looking after him for 24/7 is such hard work when I have the kids to sort out too. I feel like I am grieving already as the Stewart that is here at the moment isn't my Stewart at all.

Well, I've rung Julia and she has a meeting regarding admissions at 9am and will ring me back but it looks like we are on the move again!!!! I will try and update you all later if I get a chance.


Eileen said...

Sorry you're having another rough patch - it could well be the bowels, anyone who has ever been REALLY constipated will tell you that it is all enveloping, pain and feeling rough. Hopefully he will be sorted as soon as possible.

Just paying in another deposit to your {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} account. xx

Silverst170 said...

Bless you Susy You are working so hard.
All the meds he is taking will effect the bowels too so please keep up the fight.
Love always
Tina xx

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, you are doing all you can to help.
I hope he gets sorted quickly.

Lots of cyber huggies


Quackas said...

Susy..... slow down and give yourself a breather, you are human not super woman.

You are doing a wonderful job and alot of us are really proud of you. Your Stewart is still there, once they get him settled and sorted out you will see him pop back up again. Wish i could help.

Maybe you could ask the Rabbi if the womens committee could help with basics like shopping, hoovering and all the minor things that you are far to busy to do. God has people in place, you only need to ask for them to be put into place.

Prayers and Blessings

Jackie said...

Bless you, I had hoped to check back and find better news. You must take care of yourself and find some time for you or you are going to make yourself ill and then what will happen? I know it's easier said than done when my dad had lung cancer I just wanted to spend every spare moment with him and that sometimes meant late night last minute trips to the hospital just because I wanted to see him to make up for all the times I knew I wouldn't be able to in the future.

{{{{Hugs}}}} to you all.

Annette said...

Hugs for you all. Sorry to hear things are not good at the moment. Hope things improve and Stew gets home again soon.

Ruth said...

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and having all of you put on our prayer chain at church, which I hope is acceptable to you. So what if you don't know me, God won't mind!