Thursday, 16 October 2008

Amazed, Overwhelmed and Humbled

Those are the three words I would use to explain how I feel after the past week.

I cannot believe the support we have received during our week of mourning. The memories of Stewart by so many people have been amazing. We have had visitors constantly during the week and in the evenings for prayers and it has been a wonderful feeling to be surrounded by so much love. I am totally humbled by the love that people felt for Stewart during his life and in some ways feel guilty for not realising what a totally amazing and wonderful man I was married to. He has touched so many people's lives in so many ways, from DJ'ing at their special events, being a friendly and efficient electrician and generally being a good friend to all. The letters and cards we have received are coming in a constant stream from people from so many backgrounds that it is amazing.

My children have been phenominal and I (and I know their dad) am so incredibly proud of them. They are a credit to us and more so a credit to themselves.

Tomorrow's Jewish Telegraph is running an obituary on Stewart with quotes from many leading figures in our community and once again I cannot believe so many people want to voice their feelings, and to top it all it will be front page news - something that has blown me away but made me the proudest wife in the world.

There will also be the announcements from the family to read through and I am sure there will be many tears shed over it tomorrow.

At the moment I veer from crying, to laughing, to angry, to numb and tomorrow is the start of a normal life again - it will be a totally different normal to the past 20 years because of course the most important person in our lives will be missing but I know that we have to start to get our lives in order and start living. It will take a long time for me to get out in the normal world but for the kids the routine of school, homework and socialising must begin again. They have their whole lives ahead of them and must grasp every opportunity they can. As for me, well who knows. I have the most amazing family and friends supporting me and as one friend said to me tonight, we will hoist you back up and even give you a huge shove up if we have to.

I miss Stewart with every bone in my body and with every breath that I take, I am still waiting for him to walk in through the door and shout "hello doll" at me and the hardest thing is that I know that I won't ever hear that again. He is my light and the has been the reason for everything I do and I know that I have to focus on the positives now and the future, but I also know that it will be the hardest challenge I have ever faced.

Stewart, you were everything to me and I miss you so much. I miss the smile you gave just to me, the hugs and the kisses and the safety I always felt in your arms. You were the sunshine of my life and I hope that you are safe and happy and free from pain and that you will watch over all of us and keep us safe. RIP my darling. xxxx (remember sweetheart that I will love you forever and a day).


Mum said...

Take one day at a time and accept the love and support that is offered by family and good friends.
Thinking of you all.

Anonymous said...

Keeping you and your family in our thoughts. xxxxx

Joanne2403 said...

My heart goes out to you and your family but as I said previously, you are amazing, such a strong women and I am sure even though I never knew Stewart that he would be so proud of the way you are handling his tragic loss, that saying "one day a time" is so true, sending you {{hugs}} xx

hotpotato said...

Tissue time again! I think many of us here on UKS have cried with you over the past few weeks and no doubt there will be more tears to come. Thoughts of you Susy and your amazing children xxxxxxx Janina

Anonymous said...


Trina said...

awww Susy, you have me in tears again, I can't imagine what you are going through and how you are feeling, but when you put it into words on here, it really helps us understand. You have 3 beautiful children who need you and I know we (your LPD friends) will do our best to keep you going and help you go on without your beloved Stewart as I am sure your other friends and family will.

Take care and if you need to talk or cry you know where we are.

Love Trina & Chloe xx

Eileen said...

Susy, you are one incredible, amazing woman!

Through you grief, your strength and love for your family, and for your friends and community, shines through like a beacon.

This is the start of a new 'phase' of your life, and I know (even though I've never met you) that your determination will help you to cope with the grief and move forward. You're not 'moving on' so much, as Stewart still is very much part of your family, but you are moving forward to new challenges.

You are truly inspiring. In thanks for your inspiration I can only offer to keep you all in my prayers and thoughts.

Annette said...

Keeping you in my thoughts.

You have touched so many people's lives and have made me appreciate how lucky I am.
Stay strong - you are amazing and have wonderful children.

Sending you lots of (((hugs)))

Lou said...

I lost the link to your site as i have been away working and i cant believe what has happened in that time.

My thoughts are with you and your brave boys, and Gemma. You should be proud, not only of Stewart but of yourselves.

Take your time to recover, dont push yourself too hard or be too hard on yourself. Allow others to help you, its their way of doing their bit and will give you a break.

Take each day,óne at a time.

Your children will give you the strength and reason to go forwards.

Best wishes and love