Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Time to take a small step forward

Ok, I think it's time I actually took a tentative step back to normality and actually put some scrapping on to my blog. It's been a long time coming and will be interspersed with my feelings about my life.

Today was the culmination of months of participating in a CJ. My good friend, Kirsty, set up a newbie CJ on UKS and talked me into being the first member so that I could experience a CJ. I joined along with 9 others and today we all received our own CJ's back - and here it is:

My page
Genevieve's page

Emma's page
Debbie's page

Catherine's page
Maxine's page
Toni's page
Elizabeth's page
Debby's page
Amy's page
Didn't they do an amazing job?

I have to say that along the way there have been some very personally turbulant times for us all with broken bones, loss of loved ones and various other situations but we have stuck together and finished off (albeit a little late) the CJ. I for one am delighted with mine and am very grateful to all the girls and Kirsty for being so wonderful and supportive of me during the hard months since stewart was ill etc. Without that I would have jacked it in and walked away - so thank you girls.

As for me, well today is a start of the future and I actually am beginning to feel a little bit more like myself. I know that I still have hard parts of the day, actually usually night time and first thing in the morning but I know that as long as I keep busy with either work, invitations, the kids or friends then I am doing ok. I can't say I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but there are glimpses along the way that eventually I can start to live a "normal" life again.

I got the wording confirmed for the headstone today which was hard to see in black and white but again I know that it is the beginning of the end of the first year which will mean that we can start to move forward.

Jamie is starting to spring surprises work wise at school with expected A's (as long as he doesn't muck up his exams) which is amazing and his tennis is improving too which is a good way for him to get rid of his anger. Alex is just an amazing young man, he even cooked me dinner tonight totally by himself (ok, I gave instructions when he was stuck and it wasn't gourmet food but it was dinner) and he is beginning to open up to me about what is going on in his head. And Gemma, well tonight she has been so loving and warm that it is a major breakthrough. Although she still talks about missing her dad at every opportunity she is beginning to do so without constant tears and I hope that this is a start of better things for all the kids.

I will hopefully upload some of the LO's I have done over the past few months, some of which were painful to do and others a sheer joy but all of them have been theraputic.


Wicked Angel said...

I just thought I would pop in and tell you how much I love you :D

Big hugs
m x

Lou said...

The CJ's lovely Susy. Your post also made me feel very honoured to see your mini book at the last crop.

I'm glad you and the kids are doing better, you seem to have such a lovely family there, you must be so proud of them (as they will be of you ;))

Take care my little LPD! x

Kirsty said...

Fab CJ Susy, I am glad you joined in :D

As for you starting to get back to normal, do I need my ear plugs on Saturday lol Only kidding xxx

Eileen said...

Good to see you looking forward, Susy. It's only right that you look back too, at your happy memories, but you have a future ahead, in a life which is different. Your kids are amazing - and, as I've said before, they got to be that way because of how you and Stewart brought them up. Take care, hun. xx