Monday, 11 May 2009

why why why why why?

Well I knew this week wasn't going to be the best weeks but by god I didn't expect it to be so crap so quickly.

I knew Wednesday, our anniversary, was going to be a difficult day and had taken the day off to mope around, I knew the run up wouldn't be good, I knew today would be hard as it is 7 months since I lost Stewart, but I didn't know that on arriving at work today, our first call would be a tragic funeral. More than that I didn't know it would be a tragic funeral of one of Stewart's friends.

Stephen was one of those people you either love or hate, and to be honest I think for a while after meeting him it was the latter, but to be honest he grew on me and I knew that he and Stewart had a good friendship. He was an usher at our wedding, and some four years later stewart was an usher for him too (for his first wedding). We kept in touch for a few years after that but over the years we lost touch - we used to bump into him at events and always chatted but then he remarried and seemed to move away from the community. This morning I learned that he is thought to have committed suicide yesterday. The emotions that brought were so strong. although I was at work, I couldnt help cry my way through the day. the community are all shocked, his family especially his mum, brother, sister, new wife and baby are devasted but I just felt totally helpless. It brought back so much of the pain of losing Stewart and I had the awful task of ringing the other friend from the trio, David, who has kept up his promise of looking after me by visiting me and chatting to me when he is up in Leeds and being there for me, to tell him of this tragedy. He was totally speechless and I don't honestly know how he must feel to lose two friends so quickly.

The funeral was very dignified and sad but I was lucky to be supported by some wonderful people. To be told by Stephen's mum that I was brave to be there and how much that meant, meant I had made the right decision to go, but I have to be honest, it has been an incredibly hard day for me.

I will sign off now as I am totally exhausted and I hope to post again on Wednesday.


kjjc said...

It has been so great to see you trying to get back some normality in your life and trying to move on a little. this blow must be very hard for you but you can and will re-surface.

Mrs Hedgehog said...

Susy my heart goes out to you, what a brave lady you are. (No my head is not tipped on one side as I type this) Love you Lxx