Where does the time go?

Well what can I say except HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE. Yes, today is my darling eldest son's 18th birthday and I have to say he is an amazing young man. Without him the past months would have been unbearable. He has been amazingly strong for me and kept me going through my darkest hours, so I was determined to make today as special as it could be.

Last night at about 11pm he had a bit of a wobble, he looked awful and it was obvious that he was upset. He headed out for a drive and I knew he had gone to the local airport, where his dad and he would go when he was little and by the time he was back he was looking better. At the stroke of midnight we shared a few minutes together just contemplating our life and he told me he had also been to our local Sainsbury's car park. Last year at midnight I took him out for his first ever drive and we drove, very slowly, round and round the carpark. So last night he drove it in reverse. When I asked him why, he said that things had started to go wrong just after his birthday and he thought by going in reverse he mght reverse our bad luck. There isn't much you can say to that is there?

I also decided to give him an album I had made for him.

In January 2008 I decided that having seen all the Leeds Paper Dolls make amazing layouts etc, that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to do and if nothing else, I would scrapbook an album for Jamie's 18th. I had 18 months to do it and reckoned on 1 layout a month at the crop. However, I didn't realise I would get so hooked on it. Stewart and I chose the photo's together and the sentiments that went with them and every page was shown to Stewart when it was finished. I am so grateful that I had completed the album before he died, with the exception of the letter to go in the back, and that I could honestly say to Jamie that this was a present from his dad and I. There were a tears, but I am pleased because Jamie keeps everything inside and I hoped that having some release last night he could enjoy today. And I think he did. We had an afternoon tea for the family and close friends and about 50 people came, less than planned, but they filled the house. It was a lovely atmosphere and Jamie loved being the centre of attention. However, more importantly, it showed him that even without his dad he can smile and enjoy himself and that all these people genuinly loved him for what he is.

I have to thank Sarah and Fiona (and Mark) for coming in and helping me prepare and calm me down in my panic that I haven't enough food, it won't be ready in time etc and another set of thanks to Debra and Malcolm for helping me clear up. A special thanks goes to Debra for helping for shop for an outfit at 5pm on friday LOL - I am incredibly lucky to have so many amazing wonderful and dear friends without whom my life would be even harder.

Tonight was topped off by Jamie taking me and his eldest cousin to the pub for a drink (well a legal drink) and how disappointed was he that they didn't ask him for his ID!!!! Typical eh!!

I am incredibly proud of myself too as I didn't shed many tears today and held it together, but tonight I know that when I go to bed and have my nightly chat with Stew,they will come but that's ok - that's what bedtime is for.

Stew would have been (or should I say is) so incredibly proud of the young man our son has become. Like many parents you muddle through and hope you are doing things right. Well I am so pleased to say that we did get it right and we have a caring, loving, thoughtful and fun young man in our family who I can only wish the best for for the rest of his life because if anyone deserves it - he does.

I will sign off now because my feet are throbbing (high heeled boots from 9am to 7pm is not good), my back aches (moving furniture, food preparation and those darned high heeled boots again LOL) and I am shattered so I will make a hot water bottle for my back and head for hopefully a peaceful nights sleep, knowing that another huge tick has been put in another box and we have faced and survived a huge hurdle that I know both Jamie and I have been dreading.

Once again thanks to everyone who comments and continues to give me support and words of wisdom - you are all stars xxxxxx